The bible tells us as follows: After God’s last destruction of the world using floods, NOAH and his lineage were the only humans who EMERGED VICTORIOUS in the eyes of GOD. Consequently, NOAH was granted the RENEWED obligation by God to PROCREATE and start the NEW WORLD ORDER with his three sons; SHEM, JAPHETH & HAM.
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It is also rumored in the Book of Genesis that NOAH had a big garden of the vineyard and that one evening, he found it fruitful to practice his PROFESSION, ALCOHOLISM. As a result, NOAH became so drunk of wine and eventually, the Egyptian Winds blew off his clothes and he became naked. His youngest son HAM passed by and realized his father was DISTURBINGLY NAKED but instead of covering him, he called his older brothers to do it. To that extent, NOAH cursed HAM and directed him to be FOREVER a SLAVE to his other two brothers.
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HAM was later to travel down and settle in Africa with the current AFRICANS as his BONAFIDE DESCENDANTS. This explains why AFRICANS ARE A CURSED LOT and forever behaves like slaves. Despite this, we find the demonic spell on WILFRED MUSAU to have been a little excessive and Kenyan Theologians are currently undertaking a study to find out whether he got his share of curses directly from NOAH.
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Despite the curses, BAD NEWS ANALYTICA is an institution which thrives on PROMOTING SANITY into our already tattered social fabric, thanks to the likes of Wilfred Musau. As an institution, we are staunch believers of the scientific view that for any occurrence of a sunset, there must be a sunrise. In the end, any activity executed after sunset will be exposed by sunrise the next morning. In a nutshell, our INSTITUTIONAL VISION is simple: Confidentiality is overrated and no one is too far from our eyes.
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There are several unpleasant write-ups about WORK-PLACE DALLIANCES including the extreme LEGAL IMPLICATIONS that trails such escapades. Despite these, RASCALS LIKE WILFRED MUSAU are still believers on the outdated and stinking “ONE-NIGHT-STAND EXPERIENCES”. Blogger CYPRIAN NYAKUNDI once said: “On Hearing Wilfred Musau speak, he doesn’t inspire any confidence as a replacement to Munir Ahmed (Another Felon) and are deemed to forever remain as watermelons”. WE NOW BELIEVE HIM.
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Scholars after scholars (I mean valid social scholars and definitely not the likes of FAKE PROFESSOR MUTAHI NGUNYI who was favored with professorship as a result of his TOXIC PROPAGANDA rather than legit academic contributions) have researched and explained why work-place Coquetries are not good for a company whose agenda is MULTIPLICITY OF REVENUES.
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Scholars are also human and as such they recognize that work-place is the premium place for infidelity relationships to take place. This is due to all of the opportunities that exist for an extra-marital affair to ignite, including overnight business trips and casual one-on-one meetings. When an employee is involved in an extra-marital affair, it disturbs more than his/her personal life at home. It also affects the workplace. For this reason, many employers adopt a “NO-FRATERNIZATION” POLICY, prohibiting intimate relationships between employees. Simply put, NO-FRATERNIZATION POLICY is designed to get rid of WOODPECKERS.
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Scholars suggest workplace pleasantries result in the following pitfalls, none of which is good for a profit-oriented company:
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1.) CREATES CONFLICT OF INTEREST
This is especially true when the EXTRA-MARITAL INSERTION occurs to someone in management and a subordinate. Management may favor the subordinate over other co-workers. This favoritism creates tension and resentment between the subordinate and her co-workers. It also creates tension and resentment between the subordinate’s co-workers and the involved management. The management eventually loses control of the subordinates and the resultant side effect cannot increase the revenue number.
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2.) INCREASES LEGAL LIABILITY
Cheating in the workplace creates a legal liability for the employer. If one party decides she no longer wants to continue the extra-marital affair, the other party might file a sexual harassment lawsuit. Other co-workers can also file a sexual harassment lawsuit if they are uncomfortable with the extra-marital affair. The extra-marital affair partner may also retaliate by making the other employee’s workplace life difficult. This can result in a retaliation lawsuit.
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Any well run organization with qualified directors will always try to avoid litigation (or potential litigation) issues as they are time consuming and eventually it’s the organization that is normally on the receiving end. Litigation is a side effect which is definitely not good for revenue multiplicity agenda.
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3.) LOWERS EMPLOYEE MORALE
When employees are aware of an extramarital affair between management and a subordinate, it can lower employee morale. An employee may feel that she has no opportunity for promotion or advancement as long as her co-worker is having an affair with management. Other Employees operating within the morality space may start imagining that the only CERTIFICATE TO PROMOTION IS THIGH-MONGERING with the boss rather than the ability to deliver on the institutional strategy. This is especially true if the involved manager has anything to do with the hiring or promotion process. Low morale has an inverse relation with the revenue number.
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4.) DECREASES PRODUCTIVITY
When there is cheating in the work-place, there is a risk of decreased productivity. The employees involved in the relationship waste time fooling around, socializing and flirting, instead of adding value to the institution. The best way to identify female beneficiaries of such relationships is there behavior:
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a.) They frequently CATWALK with high heels from one wall to the other. Tile and Carpet will describe them as wall-to-wall carpets. The high heels are designed to make some careless noise but meant to ATTRACT THE ATTENTION of the PREDATOR.
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b.) With an infinitesimal eye, you can tell that such female beneficiaries are essentially PANTY-LESS (bilaz). The grand objective is to unconditionally allow the REARVIEW to WIGGLE DESTRUCTIVELY. It is this destructive wiggling that causes frequent HIP-ATTACKS (not heart-attack) on the predator.
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c.) The female beneficiary will come and leave the office at a time of their choice WITHOUT REPRISAL. During the annual appraisals, the CATWALKERS will emerge victorious ahead of the SORRY-ASS colleagues who work there asses from 6am to 6pm.
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If the company has a no-fraternization policy, the employees involved in the affair may also be terminated. If terminated, there is a lack of production, as long as the job positions remain vacant. If the other co-workers are focused on the extra-marital affair going on in the office, instead of working, it also results in decreased productivity.
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But the fear of the consequences doesn’t tend to deter OFFICE ROMEOS (Like Wilfred Musau) and JULIETS (the many who have succumbed to his penial magazines/ammunitions, a list we reserve for another day).
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Our EXPOSÉ begins over TWO months ago when a moderately beautiful woman (This we leave for the Spouse to judge as the bonafide beholder) working for National Bank under the Retail Mortgages department came across a growth opportunity. The opportunity was to grow into a Branch Manager and true to her ambitions, she applied for the job, was interviewed and she passed with the highest marks. This woman’s name was eventually to be revealed as SAMANTHA DULLU who came from Standard Chartered Bank before joining National Bank.
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The HR did their part and through VERONICA RUTOU, verbally communicated to Samantha Dullu that she had emerged top and that she was the Branch Manager (S)elect.
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So for several weeks, Samantha Dullu had been asking HR operatives why she was not getting her appointment letter for the new role despite HR confirmations to her that she was the best interviewee. Unfortunately, every appointment letter in the bank has to be PENCILED BY THE ALLIGATOR, YOURS TRULY WILFRED MUSAU. This is a confirmation that the HR DIRECTOR is just but a MANGO with no independent brain to make decisions.
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So the HR MANGOES HINTED to the ALLIGATOR that Samantha Dullu was pushing for her letter and rightfully so because it is her right to fight for what is truly hers. The ALLIGATOR WHOSE OPINION ON WOMEN IS VERY LOW and who believes that women are SEX INSTRUMENTS was at it again. I say so because he hired all the married loose women from KCB and NIC who he PREVIOUSLY LAID (this exposé loaded with names is a subject for another day but for sure it’s coming soon).
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The alligator hatched a very quick casual sex plan with the belief that no female employee should resist him owing to his position as the MD. During the first week of October, Wilfred Musau, the Alligator DROVE TO BALI’S BEST BAR & RESORT ON MAGADI road ( which is enroute to Rongai) and called Samantha Dullu to join him for drinks.
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Now for those who do not know Bali’s Best Bar, I beg to bring to your attention that it is a bar with accommodation where NAIROBI MEN who are LOCKED AND LOADED WITH PROMISCUITY retire to EMPTY THE CONTENTS OF THEIR BALLS every weekend.
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Samantha Dullu honored the invitation as a result of her NAIVETY. She apparently did not have information as regards Wilfred Musau’s trail of destruction, evidence with which is harbored in some of the women currently working with him in senior positions and of which he has frequent access as he deems fit.
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At your own time as an employee of this SODOM-LIKE INSTITUTION, for starters you may want to investigate the behavior of the married persons at the helm of Mortgage and Business Banking Units respectively. We do not have their names, however in the next episode of bringing back sanity into our social systems, we will highlight the names. It’s rumored that one of them recently had a controversial baby who neither looked like her or the Husband. THE ALLIGATOR SILENTLY CLAIMED RESPONSIBILITY.
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Since Samantha Dullu never imagined that a CEO would stoop too low as to asking for sexual favors, she sat and the Alligator bought as much Alcohol as he could with the imagination that after getting Samantha Dullu fully blacked-out, he could have UNFETTERED ACCESS. All that time, one of the KOT digital reporters was observing from a safe but listening distance.
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An interesting conversation quickly ensued and this is how it went:

THE ALLIGATOR: Did you get your appointment letter? (This is despite knowing he had not signed it)
SAMANTHA: Not yet. I was told by HR it’s still held up in your office.
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THE ALLIGATOR: Are you sure you want that Job?
SAMANTHA: Definitely. I applied for it!
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THE ALLIGATOR: Then why are you not behaving?
SAMANTHA: Please explain sir. (Samantha seems not to have overdrunk herself as expected by the predator)
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THE ALLIGATOR: Unlike many women serious with promotions, you seem not to want this?
SAMANTHA: Boss, am simply looking for my appointment letter. I also should be told if it’s not possible.
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THE ALLIGATOR: Don’t be scared, I will use protection.
SAMANTHA: Dead silent because that must have come by surprise. (But at the back of her mind she’s like: “This MBILIKIMO WATERMELON has already undressed me? Jesu!!!! ”)
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THE ALLIGATOR: Noticing Samantha is slowly pulling her seat further away he asks, am I smelling?
SAMANTHA: No sir. (But on the back of her mind she’s like: “So he knows he SMELLS LIKE A BEARDED BILLY-GOAT and thinks I have odor protectors?”)
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THE ALLIGATOR: Now completely out of touch with reality, he SWERVES a wild statement into the atmosphere which went like this: “Samantha I will let you freely fly into BEASTLY ORGASMS”.
SAMANTHA: Completely shocked and now very silent. (But on the back of her mind she’s like: “He looks like his engines are under CONSTANT LIFE SUPPORT through VIAGRA”)
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The Alligator quickly extends his FINGERS towards SAMANTHA’S GARDEN OF EDEN hoping she is drunk enough not to offer too much resistance.
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SAMANTHA: Boss, I think things are getting out of hand and I have to go. Let’s meet in the office when we can all have a professional discussion.
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THE ALLIGATOR: No! No! No! No! No! (Freely Waiving his SUSPICIOUS FIRST FINGER into the air. His close friends say he describes that finger as a MAFISI YELLOW PAGES). This cannot be, Banging the table.
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Samantha Dullu then walks away and the Alligator wishes her a very good night. It’s the Nature of Team Mafisi not to give up and the alligator lives to fight another day after realizing that Samantha Dullu was NOT GOING TO BE THE DESIGNATED VESSEL TO EMPTY HIS BALLS.
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3 weeks later when UHURU KENYATTA was PLANNING to CELEBRATE HIS DIVISIVE BIRTHDAY (Only Celebrated in Central and Parts of Rift valley regions), RAILA ODINGA on the other hand had announced ELECTIONS BOYCOTT. As many Kenyans responded to the Boycott with only 3.5 Million voters identified by the KIEMS KITS (Later to be MASSAGED to 7.5 Million with impunity), YOURS TRULY WILFRED MUSAU discovered CREATIVE WAYS OF BOYCOTTING the polls and at about 2pm on the Election Boycott Day, he was seen parking his Prado (the reporter could only capture the Number plate as KBP) at Bali’s Best Bar & Resort, the Epicenter of Promiscuity.
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He called Samantha Dullu to join him again, perhaps another DEDICATED BALL EMPTYING EFFORT. Samantha Dullu seemed not to be responding to the invitation on time and so the Alligator creatively invited another woman who was with him in a record time and was seated by exactly 3.30pm.
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This other woman has had an ILLICIT AFFAIR with the Alligator for years and it was never a secret. She could only be identified as a Kamba Woman and the Former Wife to Charles Nyachae (Former CIC Chairman). This had been a watered relationship and they had severally been spotted at the PRISONS OFFICERS MESS in Langata being COSY WITH EACH OTHER.
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Samantha Dullu eventually came at about 6.30pm since according to her, she had made it clear to the Alligator that she wasn’t willing to BREAK HER TERTIARY VIRGINITY and the only thing she was interested in was the appointment letter.
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SAMANTHA DULLU found WILFRED MUSAU with this other woman and it would appear the alligator already had taken one too many. She then creatively thought of a way to permanently cut the advances from the Alligator and forever stick to the Branch Manager Appointment issue.
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Since she found the Alligator’s famous finger cajoling and wildly breaking the other woman’s barriers, she imagined this was a relationship the Alligator would not want to lose. So Samantha presented a question to the alligator, “YOU EITHER CHOOSE ME OR HER”. At his point, all hell broke loose and Wilfred Musau is said to have ASSAULTED Samantha so badly ranging from BLOWS to KICKS to BITES (Brrrrrrr).
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Samantha was left bleeding but instead of seeking medication and P3 then reporting the case to the police and securing an OB Number, the NATIONAL BANK BOARD are trying to persuade her not to report the assault. Wasn’t it just easy for the FEAR-WEATHER HR DIRECTOR to RISE ABOVE CLERICAL MINDSET and give the appointment letter without taking her through all these theatrics?
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Samantha Dullu is currently a lady UNDER SIEKE despite being the one wronged and we are told she is even contemplating of taking an INSURANCE COVER TO GUARD HER AGAINST HARASSMENTS. We do not know which insurance company offers this product.
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We will copy the Inspector General, FIDA, Ombudsman and CBK and will be kin to follow the direction of their investigations. If a person cannot CONVINCINGLY PERSUADE A WOMAN AND DEAL WITH REJECTIONS, how is he expected as an MD to convince customers and grow institutional profits?
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It’s not lost to many that the same ALLIGATOR, YOURS TRULY WILFRED MUSAU LIED on his CV when he was joining NBK that he was the Deputy MD of KCB Ruanda. This DECEPTION earned him the post of DIRECTOR RETAIL in NBK. This came at a time when the then CEO (MUNIR THE CAPITAL OFFENDER) had fell-out with the then Director Retail (We could only get the name as BOBBY KIBARA) and wanted him out ASAP.
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MUNIR is said to have FALLEN-OUT with BOBBY because he RENEGED on a deal they heard. BOBBY and MUNIR (And by extension Chairman Hassan Mohamed who happened to be a cousin to Munir) did a branch expansion whose actual cost was only 20% of what was ACTUALLY SPENT creating a STAGGERING MARK-UP which Munir and his cousin were to be given THE LION’S SHARE. Out of his own wisdom or lack of it, BOBBY is said to have delivered a paltry 20% of the collections to the BFFs (cousins) and that marked the beginning of bad blood. Anyone in the institution will tell you that HASSAN is the first ever chairman to have a PERMANENT CASH COLLECTIONS OFFICE within the organization and where he reports daily.
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BOBBY was forced to leave and MUNIR wanted a fairly SLY FELLOW but obedient. The watermelon, Wilfred Musau was the perfect bet despite cheating on his CV. CROMWELL KEDEMI who was equally qualified was regarded as TOO RELIGIOUS TO PLAY BALL.
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Immediately Wilfred Musau reported to his new role of Director Retail, he quickly GAVE MUNIR A BRILLIANT IDEA on how to FRUSTRATE THE BANK’S INCOME STATEMENT. We are told when he came, he found there was a PROVERB mostly used by Munir Ahmed dubbed “LEGACY ACCOUNTS”. He took advantage of this proverb and declared a fairly performing personal banking loan book worth KSH. 2.5 Billion as “NON PERFORMING LEGACY ACCOUNTS” with a DAMNING RECOMMENDATION of WRITING OFF the loans (This Dossier is currently loading and will be covered in detail in the future series).
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This recommendation was SWIFTLY SUPPORTED by the BENEFICIARIES AT THE BOARD including MUNIR (CEO), HASSAN (Chair), KERRING, OMERIKWA, MWONGERA (Retired & Tired Old man replaced by Makau) and GATHURA (Treasury Representative). The Alligator faithfully implemented his idea. All this time, LUHYA ZOMBIES at the Board like ATWOLI & LINNET could only SALIVATE from a distance.
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For those who do not understand accounting, WRITING OFF means passing the entries into a profit and loss account as costs. This unfortunate action has the following repercussions:
1.) It erodes the net-profit and eventually the shareholder confidence.
2.) With an eroded profit, there is no way the staff can have any annual salary increment thus dampening performance morale.
3.) With the eroded profit, The Revenue Scissor (KRA) are denied their rightful collections.
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Board HR committee then commissioned PWC sometime in 2016 to do an HR audit on the qualifications of the employees and if truly they met those requirements at the point when they were employed. The report is out and we will DISCUSS THE REPORT BLOW BY BLOW on our NEXT SERIES.
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Interestingly, the PWC report has over 200 employees with FAKE QUALIFICATIONS. A few of them lied about their qualifications (and have been playing catch-up games through the infamous NGUMBARU CURRICULUM just like IEBC and forged forms 34A) while MOST OF THEM (over 170) have FAKE DEGREES.
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In a SURPRISING TURN OF EVENTS, the alligator, YOURS TRULY WILFRED MUSAU has once again FEATURED PROMINENTLY and has ordered the PWC report (which is already available) to be kept on the safe with him as the key holder.
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The PWC report has confirmed that at the time Wilfred Musau was joining NBK, he was NEVER AN ASSISTANT MD in KCB Ruanda as cheated in his CV, and neither was he even a departmental head and as a result was not fit to be a director. Wilfred Musau was a SENIOR RELATIONSHIP MANAGER. The MINIMUM PUNISHMENT ON DECEPTION (especially in banking where trustworthy is the leading pillar) is RESIGNATION IF NOT TERMINATION. REUBEN KOECH is said to have been much qualified to be an MD than this ALLIGATOR and the only reason he wasn’t is because the Chairman wanted to CUT KALENJIN DOMINANCE, the most stupid excuse ever recorded.
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For those who do not understand the meaning of a Relationship manager, I submit myself to give you the meaning but you must be patient because there is no one word that defines it accurately and can only be EXPLAINED IN A PARAGRAPH.
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A relationship manager is the only manager with NO ONE REPORTING TO THEM. They WALK AROUND TOWN COLLECTING DOCUMENTS FROM CUSTOMERS AS THEY BEG THEM TO TAKE LOANS. Simply explained, they are GLORIFIED MESSENGERS WITH A BEGGING OBLIGATION. Now you know the meaning of a Senior Relationship Manager.

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